Funerals are always a sensitive affair. When attending one, we must be delicate with our words and actions. However, we often find ourselves stumped about how much to give for funeral costs. Grieving family members should be given ample time to mourn and remember the dearly departed. As such, financial matters may be an awkward topic to bring up.
Donations at funerals go beyond mere customs; they are heartfelt acts of compassion for the bereaved family. Your contribution, whether monetary or in another form, can provide essential support during this incredibly difficult time, showing that you care and stand beside them in their grief.
If you don’t know how much to give, don’t worry. Below is a brief guide on funeral donation etiquette and other practices you should know before attending a funeral in Singapore.
1. Why We Donate Money In Funerals
Giving money or other forms of finance is customary in Singapore funerals. This tradition has existed since time immemorial. The Chinese call these contributions “pek kim,” “bai jin,” or “white gold” in English. Compared to the lucky red envelope often found in celebrations, funeral money is usually stored in small white envelopes.
Wake visitors donate cash to help the bereaved family overcome this difficult time. Donations are meant to help cover funeral costs, such as:
Casket
Cremation
Other miscellaneous fees related to the loved one’s passing.
You must place it in a white envelope and hand it to the host family member handling the donation box. They will then list your name and indicate the amount you’ve placed as record-keeping. If you are unsure what amount to give, any amount within your means is good enough.
However, you don’t need an envelope to hand in your cash donation. The donation box will usually be on the reception table, so it would also be ideal to reach out to the host family so that they can record your name and donation amount. They can tally the amount indicated with the money inside the donation box. If unsure, ask anyone from the host family to help out.
2. Is It Necessary To Give Condolence Money?
Cash contributions are not necessarily compulsory, especially if the guest isn’t financially able. For instance, if you think you may be coming up financially short, you may attend the funeral and pay respects.
However, you’ll likely be familiar with the practice since cash donations are customary in Chinese or Buddhist funerals in Singapore. You’ll give your fair share, especially since this is viewed as an act of kindness. If you practice Buddhism, giving “pek kim” is said to be a compassionate way of bringing you good karma.
You may also choose to give a condolence gift in place of money. Examples of funeral gifts include:
Flower baskets
Flower wreaths
Sympathy blankets
Flower stands
You should also know that some families do not receive monetary donations. They may also announce their intention to donate the condolence money to a charity of their choice.
3. How Much Condolence Money Should You Give?
The amount of condolence money you give ultimately depends on your relationship with the bereaved family and your financial ability. There are no strict rules on this; give within your means. The bereaved family will appreciate your kind gesture, regardless of the amount given.
Giving cash donations in odd-numbered amounts, such as $30, $50, $70, $90, or $100 is advisable. Even numbers are usually associated with an auspicious event or object in Chinese customs. Funerals or wakes aren’t auspicious events. Therefore, odd-numbered cash donations are given. They’re also stored in white packets, not red packets, to avoid any association with celebratory events further.
4. Other Things To Know About Funeral Etiquette In Singapore
funeral flower
Now that you know how much “pek kim” you should give, understanding basic funeral etiquette is also advisable. With so many superstitions and taboos surrounding death, you’ll want to ensure you don’t make a faux pas during a wake/funeral.
Paying respects is automatic when attending a funeral, regardless of your closeness to the bereaved family. But you must know there will be different rituals and traditions to perform, especially if it’s a Chinese, Muslim, Hindu, or Buddhist funeral. It is common practice to pay respects at the altar as the first thing to do when attending a funeral wake.
For instance, Chinese customs usually involve burning incense and offering paper. It is believed lighting incense is a way of assisting the deceased’s passage into the other world. Depending on your faith and beliefs, you may light a joss stick and bow 3 times when paying respects at the altar. Otherwise, you may place both hands in a prayer position and give a bow.
In Catholic or Christian funerals, on the other hand, the guests are called on to sing funeral hymns and join in prayers.
Conclusion On How Much To Give At A Funeral
Have you been invited to a funeral by a close family or friend? Giving cash is customary, as it symbolises your intent to help the mourning family with funeral costs.
When you donate condolence money, rest assured that your contribution, regardless of the amount, is a meaningful gesture. Remember to place it in a white envelope and start the amount with an odd number to avoid making an auspicious donation. These practices, along with other culture-specific funeral customs, will guide you in showing your respect and sympathy.
For more information on funeral-related topics and selecting caskets, contact Casket Fairprice in Singapore. We offer a range of funeral services in Singapore, including Buddhist, Catholic, Christian, Taoist, and other religious funerals. Contact us for more enquiries.
Frequently Asked Questions About How Much To Give At A Funeral
What Flowers Should You Send To A Chinese Family When Someone Dies?
For sympathy flowers, white or yellow chrysanthemums are a good choice. Traditional Chinese culture shows that white and yellow flowers symbolise grief and mourning.
Why Is There A Red String In A Funeral?
The red string or thread is a respectful gesture from the bereaved family. The Chinese believe it will help ward off the bad luck from attending a funeral wake. Before leaving the event, loosely tie a red thread around a finger. Then, let it slide off your finger before going home. This act is believed to help you leave the negative energy from the funeral behind.
Can You Give Pek Kim After A Funeral?
It’s general practice to give condolence money or “pek kim” during and not after a funeral. Note that you’re not required to do so, but it’s good practice otherwise. But, if you’re close with the family, providing financial assistance after the event is within your discretion.
What Flowers Can You Give At Buddhist Funerals?
When attending a Buddhist funeral, make sure you offer any of these sympathy flowers:
Lilies
Lotuses
Chrysanthemums
These flowers symbolise purity, peace, and freedom. You can’t go wrong with choosing them as condolence gifts.
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